Seven years ago today we got married for the first time.
I remember standing at the back of the church with you before our marriage celebration began feeling nervous and a bit unsure. I knew I loved you and I wanted to marry you, but the events of the previous eight days had left us (and the whole country) shaken and--for lack of a better word--unsure. Were these momentous and historical events enough to justify speeding up our wedding by 11 months? Did it make sense to tie the knot without any family there and with just a handful of local friends? Would I be able to bear the experience of walking down the aisle without my dad at my side? Were we panicking to do this so suddenly? In our scramble to prepare for the wedding we felt lucky to be able to focus on something positive in such a scary time. But were we reacting in fear?
As our friends and our amazing choir gathered at the front of the church, Janne came back to ring the bell. You held me at your side, getting ready to walk me down the aisle. I remember looking up into the rafters of the church as the deep tones of the bell tolled out into the dark Austin night. And then, God came to our wedding. Without warning, a peace came over me, a clarity. I knew then--for sure--what I have known ever since. We were not reacting in fear, but in love. We did not act simply in haste, but also in certainty.
Certainty that this would be good. That this would be blessed. That this was it.
Certainty might seem like a funny word to use, especially when the very events that prompted our hasty wedding led to the circumstances which keep you away from me now. But I have learned that it is simply our love for each other--and our certainty in each other's love--not location or length of time together, which stabilizes our marriage. And this is rather important when a couple has spent only three years of their seven-year marriage living together, when they have shared five homes in two States and two countries.
So, thank you for marrying me. And thank you for continuing to provide that same foundation of certainty and love every day of our marriage.
I love you. I miss you.
The Gutsy Mom