Saturday, August 11, 2007


Your absence has gone through me
Like thread through a needle.
Everything I do is stitched with its color.

-- W.S. Merwin

Well, folks, the Gutsy Dad has reached his destination, and the RLBT has begun. It's been two days, and so I have done the dishes from the last meals we shared together, and I have done the loads of laundry that had his things in them. These simple chores are always so painful to me because they scream "HE WAS JUST HERE!" I find it so unfair that he isn't here right now and won't be for a long, long time.

Jillsie looks for him in the evenings, smiles her flirty smile, and says "Papa! Papa?" in her sweet little voice.

And of course it has been pouring rain, and the car needs servicing, and my stroller is locked in the trunk of the other car and I can't get it out, and the yard maintenance dude mowed everyone's lawn but mine, and yadda yadda yadda, you can see I am not lacking for things to complain about? It's alright, it keeps me busy. I believe I've accomplished more in the last two days than I have in the last two months.

I am relieved that the dreaded goodbyes have been said. When it is not so fresh (and therefore will not drive me into hysterics) I may write about it some more. Until then, I am focusing on happiness. I am pleased to say the dizziness is gone, but I am still on the prednisone which of course quadruples my emotional freakiness. This, too, will get better in time.

More soon--the phone ringeth, the dogs barketh, but the baby sleepeth, and I think I might be able to scrap a few pages...

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