All this adds up to a constant dance of preparing, stressing, maxing out, collapsing, reflecting, recharging, and preparing.
And lots and lots of dreaming. (This usually occurs when I am energized but unfocused.)
I am dreaming of making a living.
I am dreaming of accomplishment.
I am dreaming of getting in shape.
I am dreaming of motivating other people, of helping women enjoy their lives as much as I enjoy mine.
I am dreaming of writing things that people might actually pay money to read.
I feel as though I could take on the world, if only I knew where to start. I am perplexed that I haven't started. I am determined to start. And then I remember: I am barely in control of my life as it is and I am about to throw two major wrenches into the master plan. How can I possibly start something?
Unable to answer, I go organize something in the house.
Or... I make something!
I've been in a creative rut since at least May when the movers came to Kansas and took all my fun stuff away. But this week, things finally felt "in-place" enough around here for me to take a deep breath and make something.
I've been working on a mini-album called "Words to Live By" in conjunction with the free, two-week workshop of the same name at Big Picture.
So far, I've made these pages. Each page is only about 6x6.
You may notice that there is no journaling and there are no photographs added yet. This is because, while my creative juices are starting to flow again, I simply CANNOT focus on any kind of personal meaning here. (Weird, huh? I pride myself on being able to infuse anything with personal meaning.)
Right now, though, while I can get cute and crafty and make the cute thing, I just can't get personal to make the cute thing mine. I think this is because my mind is too preoccupied with getting ready for the upcoming changes in life.
For the moment, I am thinking of this book as something I will make for the girls to read when they are older.
And... since TODAY is our 9th wedding anniversary (of wedding #2) and we will celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary (of wedding #1) just a week after we welcome Baby #3, I'd like to cast the book as lessons learned through marriage.
So, it would kinda be a "Words to Live By: Things I've Learned During Ten Years of Marriage to Your Wonderful Father" type of thing. But that might be casting my net a little too wide.
You (and I) will just have to stay tuned.