Monday, October 29, 2012

I Can't Help It

I am well aware that I should not compare my children, but I can't help myself.  

There is no mistaking a Gutsy Girl.

Here's one-year-old Jillson.  Blue eyes, two bottom teeth:

And almost-one-year-old Bronwen.  Blues eyes, two bottom teeth:

 One-year-old Madelyn:

And Bronwen again:

Madelyn:

Bronwen, Bronwen, Bronwen:

I could stare at her all day.  Lucky for me, I can.



Sunday, October 28, 2012

Life Right Now


Amazed that Bronwen can climb all the way up the stairs.  And she does it with gusto.

In love with the curly hair forming at the nape of her neck.

Psyched that I can run 10 miles again.
Grateful for an incredible bunch of running buddies.

Amused listening to Jillson and Madelyn playing in the bathtub.  “It’s your BATHtism!  I bathtize you in the name of the father, and the son, and the holy spirit!  No, I bathtize YOU!”

Listening to classics on Audible. Tenant of Wildfeld Hall.

Also reading Praying for Sheetrock.

Tired of election coverage.

Watching Homeland.

Managing arguments, tears, turns.

Savoring giggles and hugs.  Madelyn came running back to the house from a play date next door, threw open the door, sprinted over to me, breathless, gave me a hug, said "I love you!" and sprinted back over to her play date.

Juggling.

Finished with a project for a friend: 200 thank you cards to insert with t-shirts she sold for her husband's memorial fund.

Helping Jillson--just a little--as she reads Magic Tree House to me.  Love.

Annoyed when I think too hard about Halloween.  Trying to get into it for the sake of the kids.

Worried about surviving another RLBT.  Hope is always there, but it is tempered with the fear that comes from watching the reality of loss.  She said: sometimes I can’t breathe when I remember that I will never be able to talk to him again.

Humbled. Holding on tightly.  Digging in.

Sunday, September 16, 2012

She is One

Bronwen Eliza is one.  It happened when I wasn't looking, when I wasn't ready, in the middle of a busy week. It happened without fanfare, with little celebration, but with much, much sentimental reflection.

She is one. And my heart breaks a little knowing that I will never have a child under the age of one again. Measuring age in weeks and months is over. She is one.


She is one and full of beans.  Into everything.  Crawling and yammering and giggling and singing and cooing.  She says Mama and Papa and Yayayayayayaya!


She is one. My final baby is barely a baby anymore.  She stands on her own.  She cruises.  She walks with assistance. She commands a room.


She eats indiscriminately: all fruits, vegetables, protein sources, snacks, anything you put on her tray, as well as books, paper, toys, dolls, dog toys, shoes, keys, dirt, sand, rocks, dog hair, clothing, binkies, stuffed animals, playing cards, hair things, stickers, blocks.  She has six teeth.  Three on top, three on the bottom.


She claps her hands.  She points at things.  She bats her arms to say "hi" or to mean "gimme."  She may or may not have socked the rector in the nose.  She makes the sweetest, lightest singing noises you have ever heard.


She has a crazy, deep, chortling laugh, just like Jillson had. A real belly laugh.


She is fiercely independent already (Lord help us all), unless she wants to go somewhere on her feet or unless she is hungry.  Then she crawls over and climbs up my leg, patting my knee until I do her bidding. 

Do not stand in the way of this girl and her food.  She growls.


She is an amazing and self-assured member of this crazy clan.  She rolls with it all.


In spite of her independence, her choice is often to be wherever her sisters are.


Did I mention that she loves water?  She will play in the bath, the ocean, the pool, the sink, a puddle for hours.


She is trusting and laid back.  A good sleeper.  A snuggler when exhausted or ill.  She gives funny, lean-in, head-only snuggles at all other times, a sort of reassuring pressing of temple to temple, or cheek to cheek, letting the full weight of her head meld into mine.


She is adored by her biggies.


Sweet Bronwen Eliza, I love you beyond all measure, beyond reason, beyond explanation.  Like your sisters, you are a piece of my heart. I can't wait to see what you'll become.  

You are one.  And you are on your way.  

I love you tremendously.
xoxo Mommy