Your absence has gone through me
Like thread through a needle.
Everything I do is stitched with its color. -- W.S. Merwin
Well, folks, the Gutsy Dad has reached his destination, and the RLBT has begun. It's been two days, and so I have done the dishes from the last meals we shared together, and I have done the loads of laundry that had his things in them. These simple chores are always so painful to me because they scream "HE WAS JUST HERE!" I find it so unfair that he isn't here right now and won't be for a long, long time.
Jillsie looks for him in the evenings, smiles her flirty smile, and says "Papa! Papa?" in her sweet little voice.
And of course it has been pouring rain, and the car needs servicing, and my stroller is locked in the trunk of the other car and I can't get it out, and the yard maintenance dude mowed everyone's lawn but mine, and yadda yadda yadda, you can see I am not lacking for things to complain about? It's alright, it keeps me busy. I believe I've accomplished more in the last two days than I have in the last two months.
I am relieved that the dreaded goodbyes have been said. When it is not so fresh (and therefore will not drive me into hysterics) I may write about it some more. Until then, I am focusing on happiness. I am pleased to say the dizziness is gone, but I am still on the prednisone which of course quadruples my emotional freakiness. This, too, will get better in time.
More soon--the phone ringeth, the dogs barketh, but the baby sleepeth, and I think I might be able to scrap a few pages...
Whenever I see Jillson's new little curls, all I can think of is wings. I love them so much, I'm really not sure what to do with myself, and I'm pretty sure Jills is sick of me oggling them. When I was little, I used to lament having to go to school with "wings." Having my hair stick out was so uncool. But I've got to say, my little girlfriend, your wings are ultra cool and super cute, and Mommy simply cannot get enough of them!
I've decided to scrapbook a survival guide to help me get through these 15 months. In it I will have countdowns and calendars, lists and goals, pictures and tributes to the things I love, etc. The idea is that I will be able to use it during the RLBT as a motivational tool and pick-me-up, and then it can serve as a memory book of this incredibly challenging time after we make it through. I had fun making this cover from some new supplies I found at a discount store while we were in Maine. I love Reny's!
This is the first page, where I have listed dozens of things, like margaritas and lattes, good friends and netflix, that I know will help make the time go more quickly. (I think if you click on the pictures you can see a larger version and see the details.)
The next spread is my weekly countdown. I love these colors. Stacy Julian would be so proud of me. COLOR! COLOR! COLOR! (And I'm pretty sure the Gutsy Dad might get excited about the use of our 8.5 x 11 page protectors!)
I'll use these little 1x1 squares to mark off the weeks, and when I'm done the page will just be a pretty paper-quilt, checkerboard-like thing. Tomorrow I get to adhere my first little square. WOO HOO!
Close-up of the weekly countdown.
Well, folks, the Gutsy Dad has reached his destination, and the RLBT has begun. It's been two days, and so I have done the dishes from the last meals we shared together, and I have done the loads of laundry that had his things in them. These simple chores are always so painful to me because they scream "HE WAS JUST HERE!" I find it so unfair that he isn't here right now and won't be for a long, long time.